You can see a half constructed fountain in front of 10/2 building in Gyumri’s Mush district. The friends of 23-year old lieutenant Meruzhan Stepanyan, who heroically fell during the 4-day April war, are the initiators of the memorial (fountain). Mrs. Nune, Meruzhan’s mother, organized our meeting with the presence of Meruzhan’s friends and relatives. Mrs. Nune met me. I had prepared lots of ideas, but as soon as the door opened, I had the feeling that all those words are futile and senseless. So I said nothing, just greeted and entered. Meruzhan’s father, mother, uncle, uncle-in-law, friends, the teacher, and finally, his beloved fiancee were sitting in the living room.

I settled on a sofa, but did not know what to start with. Eventually I was unable to avoid that irrelevant question “how are you?” It was irrelevant since the heavy silence following my question was rather predictable.

I asked Mrs. Nune to recall the best episodes of Meruzhan’s life starting from January 17, 1993, the day of his birth.

He was a soldier since childhood

“When Meruzhan was born I was so happy to have given birth to a son. He had a very interesting character since childhood. All his toys had to be either a car, or a tank. He was curious to see them from inside, so he used to dismantle them before starting to play. Even if he wanted to play with a ball but had none, he would prepare one with sheets of paper until we would buy a real ball. He had lots of ideas. He could think of one and implement it instantly.  Meruzhan’s father is a serviceman.  My son used to accompany his father to the regiment since 4 years. He was fond of the moments when his father said “do you want to come with me to the regiment?”.Meruzhan would wake up at 6 and call his father “We are late, we have to hurry”.  Interestingly, he did not like the moments of returning home. He liked to watch the soldiers, do exercises with the soldiers. Anything in that sphere was interesting for him and sine then fell in love with army life”.

Mrs. Nune mentions that Meruzhan was also deeply interested in education and he was a progressive student at school.

“He was the smallest in the class, 6 years old. He was so small and slim that he was trusted the school-bell, an upper-class student lifted my son and he proudly he proudly rang the bell and entered the classroom .He enjoyed the love of both peers and teachers.

He did not miss any school events and often played a role of a soldier”.

From time to time Mrs. Nune was silently looking at Meruzhan'sphotos , trying to recall more and more episodes from his life.

“There were more girls in Meruzhan’s class than boys. I was always afraid that someone would tell me that Meruzhan has missed a class. But it happened sometimes. I work in that same school. Once the teacher of history complained to me, telling that Meruzhan with some girls disturbed the class. I reproved Meruzhan, but the same thing happened the next day. Once I came home and told everything to his father. He slammed Meruzhan which made me extremely upset. The next day when I went to school the teacher again approached me with the same complaint: Meruzhan again disturbs the lesson. Suddenly it came to my mind to say that I and Meruzhan’s father got divorced and I no longer live with them. The children stay with their father, if you want, you can call him.  The teacher was confused, apologized and left the teachers’ room. When we came home I told Meruzhan not to come to me at school for some days not to be seen together. During those days seeing me at school he would come up to me, hug and say “Mom, give me some money to go to the canteen or I will tell Mrs. Asatryan (teacher-edit) that you have told a lie”.

Talented, kind hearted, humane, modest child with a great sense of humor: This is how Meruzhan’s teacher of Armenian language, Silva Ghazaryan, who is also their neighbor, described him. 

“He was the most beloved student in our school. He was a unique boy with endless sense of humor. Even in the worst situations he could change everyone’s mood by his humor”.

The teacher kept silent for a while and then continued barely suppressing excitement,

“Indeed, this was a huge loss for us. Meruzhan was very supportive towards his surrounding and always reacted to everyone’s problems. If someone was in need of something, he always hurried to help. His mother was a teacher at school which obliged him to behave better. After leaving school he frequently visited us. He used to come to school, knock on the door of his classroom and with some sense of guilt and a smile on the face say “Can I enter?”, Of course you can, it’s you dear Meruzhan, even if you disturb the lesson”.

He was always happy, with a smile on the face

“He always found time for friends. He could never deny saying that he is busy or has no mood when we called him asking for some help. We were always together”, says Meruzhan’s friend, Hrach, adding that there was no field that he could not cope with. He always tried to examine and understand everything. He was happy, with a smile on his face even when there were problems.

Meruzhan’s mother says he made up his mind to enter the Military Institute after VazgenSargsyan when he was on 8-9th grade.

“Initially I and his father were against this idea. We did not want him to do that, explained the difficulties that could encounter him. He would listen silently and answer in the end “I will not get disappointed”. He left the school in 2009 and entered the military institute the same year.  It was particularly difficult to overcome that feeling of missing since he was never away from home. Even when I told him to stay at his grandmother’s house, he would say “no, mom, let’s go and see them and then come back home, everyone should stay at his own place”. This longing was suffocating him; it was the only hardship for him”.

Meruzhan was interested in all the branches of art. He was good at singing, painting and writing. He never attended any music school but learned to play the flute and the piano on his own.

Meruzhan has also devoted a poem to his sister:

To my best sister

Even if we are far away from each other

And have no chance to meet one another

Remember the word “brother”

Not to forget each other

Since difficult moments of life

Or the path to bereavement

Can be defeated only by life, love

And your brother MERUZH

“Meruzhan and his friend wrote a song and performed it during the ceremony of the last bell. But his most beloved song was “I have the honor” (patriotic song –edit.). He always sang that song saying “I will sacrifice my life to motherland”, and it happened exactly like the words of the song”, the mother added.

Suddenly the teacher interrupts the conversation.

“You know I have to say that he was born a hero, as heroes are born from simple people: his father is a servicemen, mother is a teacher. He was born in a humble family and ended up in a heroic way, ensuring peace for us at the expense of his life and blood.

He extinguished like a candle to give us light. He triumphed over both death and the Turks by his feat.  But it is extremely difficult to reconcile with the loss”.

 The most terrible thing is Meruzhan’s physical absence

“We were not just father and son. We were real friends and relied on each other in any situation. Meruzhan learned much from me.He was quick in catching everything and was my first helper. Now sometimes I blame myself for that Meruzhan chose my profession, but at the same time I am proud for that he was not frightened by hardships”, Meruzhan’s father, ArturStepanyan,  says glaring at his son’s photos, and then adds,

“Most terrible thing is his physical absence; it’s extremely difficult for everyone. My Meruzhan left so much positive behind him that we can only be proud of him”.

According to ArturStepanyan, Meruzhan proved himself not only as a good pupil or student, but also a good commander.

“These are not my words; these are the words of his soldiers saying that they have never had an officer like him. He did not differentiate among the soldiers; everyone was equal for him and he took care of each of them. He tried to create a comfortable atmosphere for them to meet all their needs. He even created bathing facilities in the positions and refurbished the blindage”.

Mrs. Nune informed that during these days many people, including from abroad, have contacted them, expressed sympathy and offered help.

“One of the soldiers wrote to us that he is extremely proud to have had the chance to know Meruzhan and that my son was his commander. I was unaware that during his vacation my son visited one of his soldiers who was sick, got acquainted with his parents and asked them what they needed. Now the call me and ask the same question. Another soldier wrote that my son was great man for him as when he was ill Meruzhan did not allow him to go to the positions, instead gave the sick soldier tea and drugs and went to the position himself. Meruzhan never boasted but sometimes whined that he was awarded with no medals for his activities, only certificates.  I always said it is not important, first of all you should be safe. He used to say that medals are also very important and promised to conquer new and new heights”.

Meruzhanhas recently gotengaged to Zara, the bride is from Shushi, Nagorno-Karabakh. Mrs. Nune’s only concern over her son’s bride was Zara’s Karabakhdialect, which is not so easy to understand.

“Meruzhan would sometimes call me and speak in Karabakh dialect. I could not understand anything and asked him to speak in Armenian. Later, when I learned that the bride is from Shushi I was afraid that there would be some language barriers, but Meruzhan calmed me down saying that Zara speaks Armenian very well. The engagement took place on December 5, 2015. It was an extremely snowy day. It took us 12 hours to reach Shushi”.

Meruzhan was in positions from December 8 to March 25, 2016. He together with Zara came to Gyumri to celebrate Easter and then returned to Talish on March 31 where fierce clashes with Azerbaijanis broke out during the succeeding days.

“Proud look, kind smile, last words-I have the honor”

“It was the morning of April 2. I talked to Meruzhan on phone. He told how they fought against the enemy in the morning. He said mom, I cannot speak long, I will tell everything when I come home on holiday. He told me how many Azerbaijanis he had killed, but I told him not to be so happy about that, they also have parents and children. He told me, “Mom, if we don’t do that, they will kill us. Will you be happy if I die?”. I grew angry and told him not to tell such things again. When I called him in the evening, he was in a bad mood and told me not to call him anymore. He asked me to take care of myself and became unavailable.

A little later we learned what had happened. He gave a retreat command to his soldiers, but two of them did not obey and remained with him. After the bullets were out, they started to fight with knives. Those godless creatures fired at him from the back. My son would be with me if they did not do so”, says Mrs. Nune, adding in tears, “I was very happy with my problems, but I am unable to resolve myself to the loss of my son. The wife of SeyranOhanyan (Defense Minister of Armenia-edit.) visited us recently and asked what she could do for us. I looked at her and said, “If you can, bring back my son”, and in answer she said, “I am sorry, but it is out of my capabilities. Be comforted by the fact that at least you have seen your son, many did not even have that opportunity”. But even that does not comfort me”.

The fianceewas sitting in a corner soundless. She was attentively listening to all the stories. I asked her to tell something about Meruzhan.

“Meruzhan was very educated and balanced. He enjoyed preparing my lessons instead of me. If I had difficulties, even if it was late night, he would come, help me and quickly return to Talish”.

Zara studies environmental design in Shushi. She says Meruzhan often came as a surprise.

“He would come to the institute, call me and say that he has gone to the positions. Going out into the corridor I could see him with flowers in the hands and smiling.  I can never forget his smile; he smiled even when he was in trouble. I try to console myself by thinking that he has not died, he is in the positions and I am still waiting for his return. I am also consoled at the thought that he reached his goal, conquering the heights he had dreamt of by his own efforts and blood”.

At the end of the conversation I asked the relatives to show me a number of Meruzhan’s photos. Each photo refreshed their memories, as each of them was a separate story.

Mrs. Nune looks at her son’s photo and again gets anxious saying that feeling of longing stuck in her throat.

“I always think how he took pity on the parents of the other soldiers and commanded them to retreat, the same way he should have come back even if people would say that he was afraid, but I knew, felt that he would never flee for which I am so proud. One of the soldiers has heard and later told that Meruzhan said “We have reached here, we have advanced so much, and we have to continue until death”. I saw a dream these days Meruzhan came to me without wounds or bandages and hugged me, saying “Mom, someone else has been killed instead of me, it is not me, I will come back, do not tell anyone about it, but I will come back. I was afraid of waking up that morning, because I saw my kind, smiling Meruzhan as he used to be. I am still waiting for my son’s return”.

Mrs. Nune turned to the corner prepared for Meruzhan, looked at her son’s photo and recalled the lyrics of his beloved song “Proud look, kind smile, last words-I have the honor”.

The only wish of the hero is that her son, as well as all the other heroes, are always remembered.

P.S. Recently I came across an expression saying “Sometimes those who are absent are so present, while the present are so absent”.  Meruzhan was so much present at the conversation. In these days I was often thinking that taking the pain on themselves our nation recognized our heroes, but on the other hand I dream we would not have recognized them, at least they would be alive.

Hover proudly over the heights you dreamt of, hero!

Meruzhan’s sister gave birth to a son on May 23 and was called after his hero uncle.

Lieutenant Meruzhan Stepanyan, killed in the combat operations in Talish direction in the morning of April 3 during the 4-day war against Azerbaijanwas posthumously awarded with "Combat Cross" of 1st degree on May 28.

Syuzi Muradyan